


are your lights still on?

by j_whirl44



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Character Death discussed and implied, Gen, the four conversations fic everyone (me) wants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27621703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: four conversations done in four different ways.
Relationships: Azu & Howard Carter (Rusty Quill Gaming), Sassraa & Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom, Skraak & Meerk (Rusty Quill Gaming), Zolf Smith & Oscar Wilde (Rusty Quill Gaming)
Comments: 66
Kudos: 38





	1. we could do better, i'm quite sure.

Azu’s distracted by all the shiny things glittering on the wall in front of her. Dusty old plates and spoons and other various dinnerware line her vision as she inspects them and feels herself almost marveling at the intricate details and colors that swirl through their centers.

It’s all a bit hazy though, like everything around her is blurry and shrouded in beige and browns. She looks up to the high dome-topped ceiling and can just make out the bright lights shining down, as well as the painting all around it. She looks around and sees no one. She finds a marble bench in the middle of the room and she sits on it for a moment. It’s quiet and she breathes in and out and she’s thankful she even can.

She’s still not sure why she’s here. She really thought Barnes would’ve been the better candidate to bring Carter back. The two obviously have a longer and better history together, but still, there is a part of her that was touched when Barnes said she should take his place.  
  
It’s no secret to anyone that she and Carter didn’t...get along. She’d be the first to admit that his constant hijinks and nose for getting into trouble annoyed her. She saw him as someone who wasn’t serious about a very serious situation. Then, the playing card incident, when she  _ tried  _ to be nice to the man but it blew up in her face. She remembers leaving the room feeling as frustrated with him as she’s ever been and made a note to not talk to him again for at least a week.

Then, things happened.

The ship took a rough landing. She found him splayed out on the top of a boulder. Unmoving. That same damn deck of cards thrown out around him.

She’s a little sick thinking about that being their last proper conversation with each other and she bites her lip to keep in a sob she wasn’t expecting. She opens her eyes and looks to the littered wall again. The quiet feels a little restless now.

There’s noise coming from...somewhere else but she can’t place it. Suddenly, as if she ever really forgot, she remembers why she’s here.

“Carter...Howard,” she calls out.

There’s a loud shush that comes from a room behind her, she turns and sees the fleeing of a shadow. She squints her eyes towards it and follows.

This room houses some of the oldest weapons she’s ever seen. Spears restored to a previous glory. Shields nicked with scratches and dings. Symbols faded but still visible. She finds herself distracted again, until a loud clang brings her back.

“Carter,” she yells again.

The shadow she chased in here comes into view again. And there he is.

He’s...not all himself, which makes a weird sort of sense to her. Honestly, she’s not even sure what she looks like right now. She takes a moment and looks down at her hands. They seem solid. The pink glow of her armor is muted but bigger as it circles around her. She looks back up to him and he’s looking at her impatiently.

“Carter…” she says.

“You! How do you know me, I don’t,” he takes a step back, “Who are you?”

Oh. This. This wasn’t what she was expecting.

She clears her throat as best she can, “Carter. It’s me...A-Azu. You, Do you remember me?”

Carter looks towards the ground as his hands rub together as he thinks. She sees the information flash over his eyes and he looks back to her. There’s a confused smile that plays on his pale lips, “Azu! Yeah-yeah-yeah Azu! You- what are you doing here I don’t - I’m  _ not  _ stealing anything yeah? Did-” he scoffs, “Oh did Barnes send you? That man I swear he’s always- wait, who’s Barnes?”

Azu watches as his face goes through emotion after emotion. She looks around the room again and then back at him, “Carter where are we?”

He beams at that and holds out his hands, “Oh we’re at the British Museum! Isn’t it grand. I-I was supposed to do an expedition with them a few years back, you know before the...the world ended? Wait what. That doesn’t seem right, no-no yeah before I...Wilde. Zolf? Wait why are we here,” he says. His words are more frantic and he looks at Azu with pleading eyes and she quickly rushes over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. It feels fuzzy.

“Carter, please, I-I can explain. Let’s sit,” she says. They walk to another marble bench and sit. He’s not looking at her. She makes sure to keep him as close as possible as to keep him from running away.

“I am...Azu,” she begins, “You’re Howard Carter. We met, well, we met in Cairo a few years ago, before the blue veins and before I left-”

“To Rome,” he interjects, “Yes you and...Hamid...Sasha. You guys were gone. Like  _ gone _ gone, but you came back. We... were -”

“All working with Wilde now. Again. On our way to Svalbard when-” Azu says.

“We crashed! Oh well we had a rough landing. You were thrown!” Carter says. He looks up at her. Eyes flickering with recognition, there’s almost even a smile on his face, “You were thrown and I...was too,” he finishes. He looks around the room, “but then what are we doing he-”

“You died, Carter. You’re...you are dead,” Azu says.

He laughs and opens his mouth to try and dispute when he winces instead and lets out a choked cry. His hands move to his back as he tries to stand up straight.

Azu watches and wants to reach out but she instead holds her hands at her sides. She watches as he struggles to breathe. He looks at her, “I...Azu what is this then. Why am I here? Why are you here? If I’m dead does that mean you-”

“No! No,” she says, “I...I don’t know how to explain it. There was someone who found us. She took us to a city on top of a big bear. We- They’re helping us bring you back. I am here to guide you.”

He nods slowly. Whatever pain he was in seems to subside as he takes in and lets out a deep breath, sitting back up straight, “all this trouble just for me,” he says. There’s a smirk on his face now.

She can’t help but smirk back as she shakes her head, “No, uh, you weren’t the only one we lost,” she says.

His smirk is gone. Replaced now by a sour frown. She returns it, “Wilde,” she says plainly, “and two of the kobolds. Sassraa and Meerk, they passed too.”

“Wilde…” he says.

“Yes,” is all she replies, “I’m sorry.”

He gives a soft smile.

They sit in silence for a while as she stares around the room. It’s all so grand and bright and she’s not sure what the plan is here now.

She looks over at Carter, who’s apparently already been staring at her, he gives a small smile.

“So do you...remember now,” she asks.

He lets out a low whistle as he looks off in front of him. He brings a hand to rub the back of his neck. He shrugs, “I...think so. For the most part,” he says, “I mean I-I trust you, Azu, I do think you’re telling the truth but it’s-it’s really weird because like I don’t, I don’t know why I trust you,” he explains.  
  
She nods her head though she herself is a bit confused.

He looks at her again, “Like I do remember now. How cold it was on that airship and-and you! You  _ came  _ to me with that bloody deck of cards yeah? I was so confused,” he muses. She hides her face in embarrassment. He laughs and places a hand on her knee and slaps the armor there before taking it back again, “I know and believe all that happened. It’s just...fuzzy, I guess,” he finishes.

“That...yes, that makes sense,” she says.

It’s silent again as he stands up, he looks around the room and he’s beaming. He holds out a hand to her, “I can give you a tour of this place, if you like,” he says.

She looks around and then down at his hands. She takes it and stands and she doesn’t know how much time passes as they walk through the various rooms and Carter explains almost every piece in detail. He swears he stole  _ none  _ of the pieces and anyone who tells Azu that is a liar.

She doesn’t believe him, but she doesn’t say that.

She takes note of how her feet aren’t tired after all this walking and standing and staring. Finally, it’s done and Carter looks just as fine as she. He’s even better in fact, his face, though pale enough to almost be see through, is beaming and he is looking around at his marvels.

For not the first time she remembers why she’s here and she lets out a gasp. He turns and gives her a look.

“What is it?” he asks.

She swallows and notes how heavy her armor feels on her shoulders, “Carter. As I mentioned before I am here because I’m supposed to help...guide you back. To live again,” she says.

His eyes go wide, “to what? But I’m...you said I was dead,” he says.

“I know you are, it's just. I can bring you back. If you...if you want to. I don’t know how exactly it all works. They were kind of vague with details just, uh, you also...don’t have to,” she explains.

“I don’t?”

“No. It’s...it’s only if you want to, Carter. We can’t make you. If you chose to stay here, that  _ is _ your choice,” Azu says.

He takes a step back from the conversation and looks around. Azu holds her breath as she watches him. She wishes in this moment she can call out to Aphrodite but she’s not sure she can, so she holds off for now. Another incident like Rome isn’t what they need right now.

“I...don’t have to come back. I can just. Stay here and do whatever. I’d be out of everyone’s way then,” he says.

That makes her heart tug and a small lump form in her throat. She thinks she should be encouraging right now, do some of that warm feelings Barnes expects of her, but she doesn’t. Something tells her it’s not what is needed right now. So she just looks him in the eyes, “yes. That’s correct,” she says.

Carter nods his head and lets out a sigh and turns to her. His face is unreadable for a moment before his mouth shows a wide, toothy grin and he lets out a laugh, “Well where’s the fun in that, I say,” he shouts. There’s more shushing coming from far off somewhere and Azu gives a laugh of her own at his outburst. The air is light. She feels a warmth in her fingertips that is pulling towards something but she’s not sure. “So, what now,” he says.

The warmth in her fingers grows stronger and she lets out a yelp as it pulls, “I, uh, first I think I have to ask is do you trust me,” she says, not sure where the question came from.

Carter gives another wicked grin and a nod. She’s pulled forward with a tug and she follows it. He’s close behind. He grabs her hand so as to not lose her. Azu squeezes.

There’s a growing sense of  _ whatever  _ that is pulling the two of them out the way she came in. It’s all a little more familiar now. Carter’s hand feels more real the longer she holds it. She looks back to see him giddy and laughing, talking about all the trouble he still has to get in when he’s back ‘in the real world’ as he states. Azu rolls her eyes.

As they get closer, she hears the sounds of other people get louder and louder around them until she’s back in the center. She sees Sohra first who gives her a smile and a slight nod as they motion to Carter’s body on the ground. He stares down at it, “Right,” he says, “Well that’s interesting, uh, do I just...you know,” he says to Azu.

“Oh, yes, I think so,” she replies, looking towards Sohra who gives another small, this time slightly confused nod.

Carter lets go of her hand and straightens up. He sits down on top of his body and Azu can’t explain what happens next as she just watches the Carter she was just talking to fade back into the body lying motionless on the ground, now with a bit more color in his cheeks. She smiles.

“Well done,” Sohra says at a distance, “Please wait as you will wake up soon,” she says.

“When will-” Azu doesn’t get to finish that sentence as her world goes black. She wakes up briefly back in her own body. She hears the steady breath coming from Carter beside her. She smiles. She reaches out to Aphrodite now. To pray for the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :screeches: I am........very excited about what's to come next week but for now I want to explore how I feel these journeys could go so I HOPEFULLY will be posting the other three soonish; definitely before next episode! Hope you enjoy :D
> 
> Thanks for reading as always!


	2. raised by wolves and other beasts

Skraak doesn’t know where he is. Everything bright and white around him. His eyes burn as he tries to look in front of him.

He’s...somewhere underground though. With the way there’s a draft of cold air hitting his chest and the smell of damp surrounding him. There’s a noise from far off somewhere.

As he walks the sound gets louder but he still can’t quite make out what it is. He feels like he’s heard it on the airship, back when they were all swapped around. There was that party Wilde tried to have. What was the word?

He sees it then. Meerk banging away on a set of drums. There’s no actual sticks in sight as they just use their claws. It’s loud and insufferable but Meerk looks so incredibly happy that Skraak just sighs and gives a toothy smile.

He walks up slow, the other kobold not even yet aware of his presence. He just waits and watches as the rhythm gets faster and more intense. The sound of cymbals clashing bouncing around the room.

Skraak’s still not sure what’s to happen here. If he’s honest with anyone, he barely even registered Sohra’s words as they spoke about what it meant to “guide” the fallen back, but he’s always been a quick learner and a good leader, so maybe this won’t be so difficult.

He’s still trying to process it all. When he got word about Meerk, about Sassraa, he went into protection mode, he gave the others orders and he remembers gripping his staff hard as he studied the surroundings of the crash site again and again.

He was scared, but mostly he was angry. This shouldn’t have happened and he wants to know why it did. Of course, he knew the risk of this mission, they all did, but losing two to sheer bad luck didn’t sit right with him and he wants to blame someone.

He can’t think like that now though, now he has to talk to Meerk and see what they want to do about...all of this.

Skraak makes himself known now and the banging abruptly stops. They look up from the drums and give a confused look.

“He..hello, uh, Sk-Skraak?” they say.

It’s awkward, there’s no doubt about that as he gives a nod.

“Yes. Yes it’s me,” he says.

Meerk looks around the empty white room and squints as they face Skraak again, “What are you doing here,” they ask, “What am...what am I doing here.”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Skraak asks.

Meerk continues to look around. They bring their claws up and rub them together nervously, “I don’t...know. This place, I just woke up and I, there was this and I just kind of forgot about everything else.”

Skraak laughs at that, not all that surprised. He’s known Meerk for a long time, since even before...the institute. They’ve always been attracted to loud noises. If there were ever a need to test a bomb or an explosion in their village they’d be there with a smile on their face and a pen and clipboard in hand. More often than not they had some sort of “accident” in the lab that everyone was pretty sure they caused on purpose just so they could see how loud it’d be. Explosions, though, were one thing, instruments were another.

“Meerk you - we were on that mission, remember? The airship, uh, Hamid,” Skraak says.

They’re distracted as they look at the drumkit again. Skraak snaps his claws. “Right. Right right right. Hamid he was after the...that place,” they say. Skraak nods. “What happened then,” they say, “There was an airship. Something about snow, Northern Waste-”

“You died,” Skraak cuts them off, “we, there was a crash,” he continues.

Meerk takes in his words and brings a claw up to their chin. It’s silent, something that rarely happens in Meerk’s company. He waits for them to respond. His hands itch and he wishes he at least had his spear to hold on to.

“So. I’m dead,” they repeat.

Skraak snorts as best he can, “yes,” he replies shortly.

There’s a rumbling from far off somewhere that shakes the walls of the room. They both seem surprised, but not bothered or worried, in fact there’s something familiar about it.

Meerk smiles and it’s a little sad but it mostly seems...content. “So this is what? My resting place,”

“I...think so,” Skraak says, “There was a...big city, people they came to...to help us. Said we could bring you back if you wanted to,” he explains.

“What if I don’t want to,” Meerk replies almost instantly.

The rumbling from earlier shows up again and it’s a little louder. Skraak isn’t completely thrown by that response. It’s a fair question, he guesses. This group, he, Meerk, and the five others have seen so much, have _been_ through so much with no expectations for longevity that it was a fair question.

The night he got this assignment, Skraak told all of them that it was dangerous and could get tricky. They still knew nothing of Hamid or the group he was with and that they need to always be on their toes and stick to the plan. He told them all that there’s no chance any of them would come back from it, but Meerk was the first to volunteer. The call of adventure was always strong in them and Skraak remembers not being all that surprised with the choice.

Now they stand across from each other and Meerk’s waiting patiently for Skraak’s answer, “then you don’t have to,” he says.

Meerk glances at the drum kit and sits down in the chair. They rub a claw on it and smile. The rumbling they’ve both been hearing sounds just outside the entrance now. Warm heat hits Skraak’s back

“Why don’t you want to come back?” he asks, more curious than hurt.

Meerk takes a second and looks around the room. It was too bright to see when he first walked in, but Skraak can now see the numerous amounts of instruments that line the room. Some he’s never seen before, others he recognizes from their village. All look brand new and he can already just _hear_ them being used. He looks to Meerk, who’s grinning wickedly.

“I think I was done with it all,” they start, “After...after everything that happened to the lot of us, there wasn’t a lot to go off on, but then you came back, with this-this task from the elders and I thought it’d be a nice opportunity, but now i’m just...done,” they finish.

Skraak gives a nod of understanding, because he does understand that. He takes a moment and thinks if the tables were turned and he was the one who needed to be taken back, he’d probably feel the same.

A loud bang of a bass drum drags him out of his thoughts as Meerk smiles at him, “besides,” they say, arms outstretched at their sides, gesturing around the room, “I have everything I need here,” they beam.

Skraak laughs and nods his head as they stand up and come in front of him again.

They reach out their arm and Skraak grabs hold of their forearm where it meets the elbow. They lean into each other and close their eyes as their foreheads rest on each other. It’s warm and familiar and it’s more of a proper goodbye than any of the kobolds waiting back at the town get so Skraak savors it.

They break apart after a few moments and stand face to face. In the silence they give each other one last nod.

“Go finish this, Skraak. We were on our way,” they say.

“Right,” he replies. He turns and leaves. As he does he hears the drums start back up again and he smiles.

As he walks back out the way he came the familiar rumbling is still there. The cool drafts he felt earlier are replaced with almost stifling heat. It feels like he’s not alone as he reaches a door he doesn’t remember seeing.

He grabs the handle and pulls it open and he’s greeted with an open field, one that feels familiar but he can’t place exactly. He steps out, the feeling of cool grass on his feet greet him.

The rumbling gets as loud as it ever was and he barely has enough time to look back and jump as he sees a dragon emerge from where he just was.

It’s red and shiny, but it doesn’t really have a body to speak of. It’s more a cloud of smoke. As its wings spread and it shoots up into the sky it lets out one of the loudest roars he’s ever heard. It disappears back into the underground hallway soon after and Skraak just stands there speechless. He laughs.

He makes his way back. He shares a look with Sohra but says nothing else. She gives a sympathetic smile that he shrugs off. He walks back to where he sees his body and waits for whatever to happen.

He wakes up what feels like moments later. Meerk’s body beside him is still motionless, but he thinks that’s alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're probs not getting this convo in podcast so like It's My Canon Now thank you so much.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, I had no idea how to write Skraak fhbdjnkms so that was a journey!


	3. are you wild like me?

Cel uses the light and sound from the fires to guide their way. They still can’t tell how big the tunnel they’re walking in even is at this point. The light only reaches so far and from what they can tell the walls are wider than any place they’ve ever been in.

They don’t really think about that right now as they let their mind drift to why they’re here, as if they’ve thought of anything else since they stepped out onto what was left of the deck after they landed. So much smoke and shock of the bitter cold winds on their face the amount of adrenaline coursing through them hasn’t faded even now as they walk through whatever dreamlike afterlife state they’re in.

There’s a screech up ahead. One Cel’s never quite heard before. Unless it’s- they shake their head- it can’t be. No, they’re here to find Sassraa and bring them back. Faintly, Skraak’s words bounce around in their mind again.

They weren’t here to help ease their own guilt, they’re sure of it. Or at least, that’s not the only reason. Of course Cel feels guilty, why shouldn’t they? They’re the one who-

No. They shake their head as another terribly loud screech comes from somewhere to their left, they’re getting closer to whatever it is. The fires grow more frequent and hotter, some even look more blue than orange. Some in the distance look white.

Cel notices though, that they all are controlled. Whoever made them just looks like they’re having...fun with it almost. Testing whatever to see how hot they can get it.

Finally, Cel comes to a den of sorts. There’s a whole ring of fire encircling everything. The flames are low enough that they can jump over it easily. Surprisingly, it’s cold in the center of it. They look up and see a small opening with light from somewhere shining through it.

Cel feels the gusts of wind hit them before they see the source. Wings deep red and outstretched what feels like inches in front of them. They shield themself as the force whips around them. Then they see it.

A dragon, clear as day, right there in front of them. It’s bigger than any creature they’ve ever seen,  _ including _ the bear that picked them up and has a whole city on it’s back. 

It takes a while, but the dragon brings it’s head all the way down and one eye as big as the sun looks at Cel.

It’s familiar to them, there’s giant specks of white surrounding the golden iris.

Cel gasps and brings one hand to cover their mouth when the other rests on their chest. They take a step back.

“Sassraa,” they breathe out.

The dragon doesn’t move, but there’s a flash of recognition in their eye. Still without moving their head, their body twists and positions themself in a seating position.

There’s a few tense moments of silence before they lean down even further and bring their large snout to Cel’s head and as gently as they can rest it on their forehead.

Cel lets out a yelp and chocks on a sob they didn’t realize they were holding in. They bring their hand up and rest it on Sassraa’s snout. She lets out a content little puff from her nostrils. Cel laughs.

“You’ve grown since I last saw you, little buddy,” they say.

There’s a moment where they just forget everything and marvel at being in the presence of a godsdamn  _ dragon _ . They walk around and watch as the fiery scales glisten in the dim light depending on the angle Cel’s looking from. They try and bite back a squeal as they look at the sharp claws on her feet and at the ends of her wings.

They return to the front of them and follow suit, sitting down with their legs crossed and facing them. A real, genuine smile on their face. Sassraa also gives whatever the dragon equivalent of a smile is, it doesn’t exactly look friendly, but Cel knows it is.

“Sassraa I just can’t believe this I don’t- well you know this does make a little bit of sense with- with what we know about kobolds I remember reading something about how your souls ar-” Cel stops themself before continuing, the gravity of the situation again crashing down on whatever moment of peace they were having.

This isn’t real, not exactly. Whatever is causing them to be in this form, it’s because she’s-

“Sassraa,” Cel begins. The dragon looks at her with intent and it makes them falter just a moment, “do you- you know why you’re here, right? Why you’re so- like this?”

Silence before she gives them a shake of the head. Their head cocks to the side as they wait for them to continue.

Cel gives out a shaky laugh, “Right well, um, you- there was a crash. Well, not a crash a, uh, rough landing- people, including- including you and- and Meerk,” at Meerks name she twitches, another moment of recognition. Cel presses on, “yes you both um, didn’t uh make it. You’re dead...Sassraa. You’re dead and it’s all my…” they trail off. Again the words of Skraak hit them in their chest.  _ This _ , right now in this moment, isn’t about them. They need to remember that as they look up at the towering beast.

Now Sassraa moves to lay down so she’s more level with Cel. Their body takes up almost all the space, encapsulating Cel. They smile and reach out a hand to rub along their tail briefly. The scales are smoother than they thought they would be.

Sassraa watches Cel for a moment. Eyes looking at them over and over again. Their emotion is unreadable and all they can do is sit and wait for her to finish taking in whatever information she needs to. Finally, she rests her head in front of Cel’s lap and closes her eyes.

Cel lets out another small laugh as they reach over and rest a hand on her face. They also close their eyes.

_ ‘Why are you here then, Cel,’ _ they hear a voice say. It sounds like it’s inside their head. They jump and open their eyes. Sassraa’s looking at them with an amused look.

“Did you just-” They say, “could you have always just done that I- no no probably not but this is- this is fascinating I don’t know how you’re doing this I don’t feel any- well wait you asked me a question didn’t you...right uh-” they say. They take a deep breath and give a gentle pat where they have their hand on their face, “I can...bring you back. I’m-I’m here to guide you back if you’ll allow it, Sassraa, I- we met people that can help. They help lead me here, but you don’t have to come back. It's- it’s- your choice,” they explain. A shaky breath escapes them as they look away from the beast. The pesky feeling of shame begins to overwhelm them again.

It’s quiet and believe it or not Cel almost feels themself fall asleep.  _ ‘How would we get out of here,’  _ Sassraa voice rings.

Cel straightens up, eyes wide as they look at them again, “Uh well I don’t exactly know I, uh, I imagine you’ll lose this form, Sassraa, and if you- if you don’t want to come back I understand. I mean if I had the option I’d stay here probably, especially if I was a dragon! You just look so incredible I don’t-”

_ ‘Cel,’ _ she interjects. They nod and stop their rambling, giving a small apologetic smile.  _ ‘I don’t want to stay here, I feel as if I would get lonely, and there’s so much more I still want to learn. From you. From the world,’  _ they explain.

Cel’s heart tugs as they listen. Sassraa’s always been one of the best, all the kobolds talented in their own right, but she was one of the best, always helping Cel and picking things up quicker than the others. They’ll be the first to admit they’d want them back to help with whatever they need to fix next. Svalbard is still over the horizon, and who knows what they’ll find there.

Cel smiles at her and nods, “I don’t...this is your choice okay? I want you to- I need you to understand that,” they say.

Sassraa lifts her head and gives a nod,  _ ‘I understand,’  _ she says.

Cel sighs to collect themself as they let out a long breath of small relief. They stand and give a watery smile, tears threaten to escape.

They feel a warmth in their chest that they know isn’t just due to happiness. It must be the connection back. Something to guide them on their way.

Sassraa is still a dragon and they wonder how that’s going to affect all this. Before they have a chance to ask though she shoots up, standing tall on all four legs. They let out a fierce roar that Cel has to cover their ears for as they watch fire come from their mouth. One last release before she’s suddenly taken into a white light. Cel shuts their eyes to block out the intensity.

When they open again they see Sassraa as they usually are: a small, fiery kobold. Her tail flips back and forth as she now stares up at Cel with that usual look of admiration. Cel kneels down instantly and wraps them into a hug that they reciprocate.

The two stay embraced for a few more moments as the warmth in Cel’s chest grows hotter. They break apart, “Right we should probably get going then, little buddy.”

Sassraa nods and takes their hand. Cel squeezes and smiles.

The two make their way out of the still incredibly large tunnels. The fires still burn and Sassraa looks at them with a sort of satisfaction that makes Cel giggle.

Finally, they reach a door that Cel’s not all too sure was there before but they know it’s where they’re supposed to be. They open it and Sohra is there waiting, a smile blooms on her face when she sees the two.

Sassraa looks at her quizzically and then back at Cel who just gives a reassuring nod. They step up to their bodies. She goes first and they watch as she fades into her body. There’s another shaky sob that leaves Cel involuntarily.

They look at Sohra and the two share a look. The next thing Cel remembers is waking up and staring at the ceiling. They turn to look at Sassraa. 

Her chest rises and falls. Cel smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :brings out megaphone: DRAGON ! SASSRAA ! PLEASE !
> 
> i just.........think it should happen.....
> 
> anyways, chapter 3 of 4! One more conversation to go................oh boy.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. there's no one that knows me like you do.

Zolf follows the footsteps that lead out into the town. Each step he feels himself get more tense. He’s not sure what to do, but who really would in this situation. He’s both holding onto and keeping a distance from the hope he feels rising in his gut. There’s a chance, because there always is, but nothing is ever certain. He knows this well.

He reaches the end, and finds himself standing in front of the entrance to a bookshop. It looks old and dusty, but that might just be from the fog that shrouded the air around him. He takes the deepest breath he can muster and walks in.

There’s the faintest ring of a bell overhead as he enters. It’s quiet but it’s not uneasy. In fact it feels warm and cozy like any good bookshop should. He walks the aisles and looks around but there’s no sign of anyone else here. He looks to the floor to see if there’s anymore prints but he sees nothing. He lets out a gruff sigh and thinks of what to do next.

That’s when he hears it, a soft chuckle from behind him. He whips around and there he is, Wilde, standing with a book propped under his arm. His eyes aren’t tired, and the scar isn’t there anymore. Zolf doesn’t think he’s ever seen the man look the way he does now. It almost takes the breath from him.

“I thought I heard someone come in,” Wilde says. He turns away and goes to walk somewhere. Zolf follows close behind.

He’s led to a small nook that houses a fireplace and two armchairs. Almost as if it was meant for this particular moment. Wilde sits in one and gestures for him to take the other. It takes a split-second, but he moves and sits.

There’s a silence that follows as Zolf searches with what to say. All of this was so immensely above what he was expecting to deal with, but then again he should've seen that one coming. Nothing about his life had ever really been normal, and that’s doubled since he left the party in Prague.

He lets out a sigh which leads Wilde to raise an eyebrow quizzically. Briefly, he’s back to the same, smug form as when they met in London all that time again, the same attitude that had almost returned during their time of the airship.

“Wilde- Oscar,” Zolf begins. He tries to choose his next words carefully, “you know you’re dead, yeah,” he adds on. He’s caught between trying to be more gentle, but at the same time it’s Wilde. They’ve moved on from formalities a long time ago. Now they’re simply friends, old and tired, just trying to get through the days.

Wilde chuckles and looks at him with an amused expression, “Oh is that why I feel this way?” he teases. Despite his better judgement, Zolf laughs as he tries to hide a smile. “I’m not sure how it happened, Mister Smith, but yes I gathered that when I woke up in...this state,” Wilde continues.

Zolf nods as he suddenly thinks back to the landing. To Wilde and how he...looked laying limp with the...wood placed where it was. He grips his hands into fists as he tries to quickly get the image out of his head.

“Was it that bad then,” Wilde says. Instinctively, he brings a hand and lays it on his stomach, as if there is some phantom pain there that gives him an idea of what happened. All Zolf can do is nod.

More silence, Wilde’s face is a bit paler now, if that was ever really possible. “I...Zolf if you’re here too does that mean you-”

“No,” Zolf interrupts immediately, “No I’m-I’m fine. There’s uh I’m here to-to bring you back. We met these, I don’t know, seem like druid types. Said we can bring back the dead if…” he trails off. Suddenly remember the one condition, and for the smallest moment, his hope wavers again. He doesn’t look WIlde in the face.

“Resurrection,” Wilde says, “What a novel idea.”

Zolf snorts, “yeah.”

Wilde brings a hand and rubs it on his chin. He’s thinking, there’s no doubt. Zolf can’t quite point out what it might be though.

“This is very taboo back home, you know,” he says.

“Yeah, I gathered that,” Zolf replies.

Wilde squints now, he looks past Zolf towards something off in the distance, “Sasha…” he begins. Zolf tenses, “We...when she needed...something along the same lines as this. There was a lot of convincing that had to be done,” he gives another brief pause, “Apophis, was kind, but he still didn’t make it easy,” he finishes.

He’s never really heard the story. Never really knew how Sasha got out of the...situation he left her in. Maybe, once all this is over and they have a moment to breathe, he’ll ask someone. Now, he needs to keep focus on this however.

“Well you and I both know those bloody dragons are a bit...you know,” Zolf motions vaguely with his hands.

Wilde laughs, it’s genuine, he brings a finger and traces it down the part of his face where the scar used to reside, “Yes I do,” he says.

The air between them is still so warm and friendly and  _ nice  _ that Zolf almost gets lost in it for not the first time since sitting down. He closes his eyes and tries to focus.

He clears his throat, “Look Wilde I’m here to take you back, alright,” he says a little gruff.

Wilde doesn’t seem phased by his tone, in fact he smiles a little, they’ve been through conversations like this many times over now. He closes his eyes and crosses his hands into his lap, “Zolf I...I’m not sure I want to come back,” he says simply.

Zolf tries not to outwardly react as he feels his stomach drop. He tightens one fist at his side, “What do you mean, Wilde?” he asks.

Wilde looks him in the eyes now and they really are brighter than he’s seen them in months, maybe even more. “We knew going into this there’s a chance some of us wouldn’t be coming back,” he says. He gives a wave of the hand that's so casual Zolf almost wants to vomit, “that’s just the state of business these days.”

Zolf bites his tongue, “C’mon Wilde that’s not-” he begins, but then shuts his mouth. He doesn’t know how to argue against a fact that was so obvious the moment they stepped out of that inn in Japan, “We have a chance to continue this, alright. Together,” he says.

Wilde nods and gives a sad smile, “Look, Zolf I appreciate this but, is it really worth the trouble? Do we know the risks involved with this? The cost?”

“You are worth the trouble you sad, useless sack,” he bites out immediately, “You’re an important part of all of this, alright, you always have been and I can’t-” he hesitates, but presses on, “I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t, alright?” Zolf finishes.

In all his life he feels like he can count on one hand all the times he’s been this vulnerable in front of someone else, but in this instance he thinks that’s what he needs to be. If it means that it’ll get the point across his friend’s thick skull.

Wilde smiles as he closes his eyes, “You don’t need me, not anymore,”

“Wilde you-” Zolf begins, but the bard put his hand up to stop him.

“Zolf this isn’t, I’m not trying to mope in this. I’m just stating the obvious. I’m useless in any real fight and all the information I have is information you have. I don’t...I don’t hurt here, not like I did,” he explains.

That is something that strikes Zolf right in the gut. In a way he understands now.

There were nights, between the nightmares and the cold sweats after he left Prague, where he’d dream he’s in a place like this one. And there was no Poseidon there to try and drown him, no pain from missing limbs. No heavy heart. Those were dreams he’d cling too, especially once he woke up in the early morning to the permanent aches that still haunt him today.

He remembers to breathe as he takes in what Wilde’s saying. He realizes now that maybe he is being a little selfish and self-fulfilling, just so sure that Wilde would want to come back with him. Being so forceful about it when there was a chance that it might not happen.

“I’m...sorry,” he says, “I just shouldn’t have assumed you’d want to come back.”

“It’s not that I  _ don’t _ want to, but I just…” Wilde begins but trails off.

The two men stare at each other and share a look. One that tells the other they know what they mean, without having to speak such painfully harsh and honest words out loud.

“I won’t force you, that’s not how this is supposed to go. I’m not sure about the rest of it, but I know that much,” Zolf says.

“Thank you, Zolf,” he responds.

They sit in silence as Zolf finds himself at a loss for words. He thinks maybe he should fight harder for this, make Wilde see that there’s promise and a reward for coming back, but he can’t. If he’s honest, he doesn't have it in him.

“You know,” Wilde begins, “There’s all sorts of books here. Ones you might enjoy,” Wilde says, adding on a cheeky wink in Zolf’s direction.

He blushes and rolls his eyes as he waves a hand, “Don’t act like you don’t also enjoy them.”

Wilde laughs and nods, “I wasn’t denying that,” he says. His tone is light, but his face soon goes back into its contemplative state. He smiles slightly, “I haven’t had much time to read in what feels like a very long time,” he begins. He takes a look around and Zolf follows his gaze, “Now it seems like I’ll have as much time as I need.”

Zolf finds himself smiling at that and for the first time since Wilde’s answer he relaxes into himself. He thinks, maybe this is what’s best then. Wilde out of everyone, definitely deserves the rest.

“I don’t...know how long you have here with me,” Wilde says, “but you’re welcome to stay awhile.”

At that he seemingly remembers that he probably should get going, he doesn’t know how long the effects of whatever spell they under lasts, and he doesn’t want to find out. 

He stands and Wilde gives an understanding sigh and a stiff nod, “very well,” he says.

Zolf walks so he’s planted right in front of him and he holds out his hand. Wilde smirks as he takes it. They shake. It’s firm and lasts longer than it should have. He can feel tears prickle in his eyes and he tries to blink them away. The last person he wants to cry over is Oscar Wilde. Especially in front of him.

They let go and Zolf stands back. He clears his throat, “Right well it was good seeing you. I, uh, don’t know how this all works but we’ll probably be here a while. If you stick around,” he says. He turns to start walking away. His hands in his pockets. He pauses and looks straight ahead, “Goodbye, Oscar,” he says.

Wilde burns a hole in the back of his head, “Goodbye, Zolf, tell the others I say good luck,” he finishes.

Zolf turns his head and nods. He picks himself up and starts moving forward.

He feels cold and sad, but even still. There’s a warmth and a comfort in his chest that feels like it’s trying to tell him that at least he tried, and that it’s going to be okay.

Of course, he knows this, but he thinks that maybe for at least an hour or two, he has a right to be mad, however selfish that may be.

He walks and sees Sohra, who gives him a gentle look that he tries his best to return.

He’s alone and that’s how he wakes up. He turns to look at the lifeless body next to him. He chews his cheek as he looks around to everyone. He sees them all, Carter and Sassraa up and moving. A sheet over Meerk. He shares a look with them all. He gives a small shake of his head to answer their silent question.

He places the sheet over Wilde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so it is finished!!
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. I really liked writing all these little pieces and I, for one, can't wait to be destroyed by whatever happens this week :') For the next 24+ or so, however, this is canon no one can dispute me !
> 
> <3
> 
> Work title and Chapter titles from "Bros" by Alice Wolf, which is featured on my Total Party/General RQG playlist, feel free to give it a [listen](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1XYi9RhZEJaNUTrPpQbTlh?si=1bjENoDVRUGqmKL5xsu9lA)!


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